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Some nights, on the long drive home, he comes up with an excuse to see the nightclub again. Usually, it was past midnight, when he got off work and got off at the Kaley Street exit. He drove past the blue hospital sign, past the dusty warehouse district, where a museum was expected. He turned right onto South Orange Avenue, towards the black sign. A temporary wall curves around the club, as high as a billboard, with a photo montage. This is the story the city tells, about the rainbows inked on the signs, about the bells ringing in the candlelight, about #OrlandoStrong. Behind the wall, the entrance to the waterfall flows. Translucent panels are fastened to the building, masking bullet holes and craters that shoot out of the concrete block.
Several people were there that night avoiding the intersection, a mile south of Orlando’s steel and glass hub, where cars raced past the Pro Tint and Dunkin’ store next door. They avoid alleyways where they limp, hide and call friends left on the dance floor. They want nothing to do with t-shirt kiosks, unable to stand the promise of sun-bleached banners, Siempre te Recordaremos. But Brian Reagan got ahead and got into his car. He thought about the people who had been killed, many of whom had already known. He was once the manager of the club – the first gay bar he went to as an 18-year-old freshman. All-white inside, with the martini glass hanging upside down, it’s classy yet warm. He found support. He went out. And he brought his parents. His mother gave tips for pulling the queens and told him, I know you’re fine.
He makes his mind shift to better times. Take that waterfall, for example – a beauty and a pain to clean up. One night, someone threw chlorine tablets in, which were brilliant, until a club member fell in and appeared in tattered clothes. Then he was wary of reporters but wanted to tell the story of where he knew. As the spotlight grew, he began to worry that other survivors might question his intentions. Five years later, he still wants the club’s story told, but knows some are unhappy with his support of the $45 million museum and memorial project. And neither of us is wrong, he thought. That division, God, even five years later, is growing, stronger, stronger and farther apart, he said. And I just want everyone to heal. When he got home, Reagan glanced to see if the dive bar near where he lived had been repositioned. It’s painful to see STRONG POWER, and it’s heartbreaking to see 49 names at the Starbucks mall.
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